Captivating the Modern Woman

19 Aug 2014, Posted by Kate Henderson in Katie's Blog

Conquer 3I’m a pretty rebellious character. I like to be the boss. I like to do what I like to do and I love to get my way. I’m pretty independent and determined.

Now this is likely sounding pretty ghastly to a lot of men. It’s a lot of what’s wrong with the modern women. But the flip side is that I absolutely adore being told what to do by someone who I trust and have great respect and admiration for. Then I love to be compliant and agreeable and to fall in line. In fact I long to surrender my will to someone who can impress me with their elegant wielding of power.  It turns me instantly all soft and yielding. And more to the point, it really arouses me. I’d just about give you anything you wanted.

But I’ll test you. We all do in all sorts of different ways – us women. Test men. We want to know how strong you are. Perhaps from the outside it might look like we’re just being stubborn or rude, cold, defiant or complaining. But a lot of the time (although many women won’t even be conscious of their motivation), we’re just testing to see if you’ve actually got what it takes to close in on us and vanquish all the fuss and fight. Are you strong enough to handle us?  It’s a test. And it’s a test we really want you to do well at. Although we mightn’t make it look like we want you to, in our deepest hearts we really do. Really. It’s often not set up clearly so that the rules of this game are obvious but trust me, what’s ultimately up for grabs is a women’s complete devoted surrender to your power. Can you bring it? We love to see and feel that your power is alive. And in having certainty of the power in our man it’s as if we are somehow intoxicated with it. Drugged into delighted, loving devotion. In love and lust with the king in you. Captivated.

Stand unflinching in the face of a woman’s seemingly illogical emotional tests and you’ll go a long way towards completely winning her over. The more strength you show in being able to face her and the more she feels your unrelenting power and presence, the more deeply she will trust in being able to yield and hand herself over to you. But falter for a moment and she’ll know in an instant. Then she’s won and you’ve lost her a little bit (or a lot).

And then she’s actually lost too.

When you fail her test she returns to holding on, shielding her heart, hiding vulnerabilities and protecting herself. She doesn’t fully trust that you have the strength that she needs if she was to risk throwing herself wide open to reveal all the rich beauty that lies hidden within. We can put on a good show. You’ll get all sorts of crazy, all sorts of tough and tactical and infuriating. Or it could be shut down silence and distance. But it’s because if we know that you can see us through our reaction and help us beyond it then we feel deeply comforted that you’ve earned all the glory held more deeply inside of us. We really want to give that to you but we’re not going to bring it forth and have it mishandled by someone who can’t hold strong when things get a bit shaky. And so we test the water sometimes.

I’ve just reread that last paragraph and become tearful at my own words. It’s such a deeply stirring feeling to be met by someone’s unrelenting willingness to see us through. To hold the space, to be there through thick and thin, to stay the course. Fierce love. The unwavering power of devotion. The certainty of solidarity. I could also express it more simply and say how awesome it feels to be met by someone who won’t put up with our bullshit. So refreshing. On the surface we might curse or spit or sulk because we didn’t get what we were fighting for but on the inside we light up as we are touched with the potency of a deeper feeling that you are in fact strong enough for us to lean on. To fall into. You have us corralled and it feels good. We don’t need to hide or put on a show. We’ve just been found.

Win, win.

I’m not excusing bad behaviour in women here. I’m just suggesting that sometimes our most unappealing responses can actually be one of your best opportunities to win our deepest affection. At times it will take putting your foot down and demanding more in a powerful way.

What does this actually mean day to day?

If she’s endlessly bitching and moaning then insist on something more mature. If she’s brushed you off with a cold shoulder, press her to reveal what she’s withholding. If she’s in a rage and won’t respond to your undivided attention, walk away. If she’s hell bent of staying the victim, stop being of assistance. Walk right into the blazing fire. Often the most potent potential will be where it feels most dangerous.

Stand strong and true in the fierceness of your unwavering love and see if you might just turn the tide outrageously in your favour.