Coached by a Client17 Sep 2015, Posted by Katie's Blog in
Such a lovely feeling.
My greeting hug lasted much longer than a normal hello. I felt like I really needed it. I had less to give than usual and the hug was a lovely comfort. Then rather than getting caught too long in conversation we lay down and cuddled up.
One of my favourite things.
There was an easy connection between us but at the same time my mind flickered back and forth a bit between being the supporter versus the supported. Am I really allowed to surrender to be so beautifully taken care of in someone’s session? I’m big on honesty and realness though, and that was the truest expression of myself at that time so I went with it.
It was so nice to let go of thinking.
Then after a bit I felt called to initiate a conversation around what boundaries we might need to observe because I could feel sexual energy coming more and more to life in our connection. I suggested that we should have the conversation in order to work out how to respect the integrity of his relationship. But he beautifully turned the tables on me again and made me look at why that was relevant to me, not him. He hadn’t actually been captured by the idea of going too far.
As much as I’ve cultivated a much slower approach to sex over the years there are certainly times when I’m still inclined to move too fast. There are precious opportunities for a different kind of experience that I can miss because I’m captured by a more sexual agenda.
If I’m really honest about it, the inclination to engage more sexually came with a feeling to dominate. Not so much physically but perhaps more so to have energetic power as a woman over a man. Not that that has to be a bad thing but in this instance the invitation was for me to surrender rather than be the boss. I’m reasonably well practiced at being the boss in these kind of situations. Surrender holds much more opportunity for me these days.
And so, as it goes with confessing things out loud, there was a magical shift in the energy whereby the sexual striving immediately fell away and I found a different kind of richness in our connection. I landed in a place of fullness. There was no neediness for anything to happen. Instead there was a feeling that our experience of togetherness was fed by our individual completeness. There was containment in our connection. No gaps that needed filling by the other. It was a beautiful foundation of contentment for our bodies to explore richer depths.
I would so love to film some of these sort of connections in an attempt to more broadly convey the essence of the experience. I’m just not sure how much of the deep pleasure would be translated in that medium though. I think it would be like trying to capture the feeling of quenching a big thirst, or having a delightful memory evoked by a song.
Much more easily felt that seen.
Writing of this experience feels very different to my more typical blog style. There’s more softness and personal reflection rather than assertive proposal.
I wonder how it will land.
Anyway, it feels beautiful to me to honour the loveliness of being supported by a man in this way.