A Fling With Tinder10 Jul 2015, Posted by Kate's Blog in
So I thought I’d give Tinder a go.
I’m not looking for a relationship but there’s always room for some awesome lovers.
This is where I started:
Oh my goodness……It’s a jungle out there!
Below is one of my most recent exchanges. I turned my phone off for half an hour and then this sprung forth when I switched in on:
So I’m totally on board with the sexual agenda but really…… is it too much to ask for a bit of style? A bit of intellectual seduction?
I know this guy would be so terrible in bed. If he dives straight into sex in his written opener, then he’s going to dive straight into sex without much effort towards a tactile introduction either. No foreplay skills evident here. There’s no elegance in his approach via text so it’s very unlikely that any elegance would magically appear in person. The only thing he shares about himself is a fantasy of what might be in his future. He’s unlikely to volunteer much of substance in person.
I deleted the messages and his profile without responding.
When I was on RSVP more than a decade ago (looking for a relationship, not sex) I was SO accommodating. I was SO careful to be super nice to everyone. Even the guys with dodgy profiles who were 30 years older than me. I responded to every single person who messaged me. I remember once using the paid response option to politely decline a guy who’d sent me a free message. I guess I was getting to know the system but it was still indicative of my overly accommodating manner.
Now I’m pretty ruthless. Not in a cold way, just in a definitive way where I don’t put up with bullshit approaches anymore.
Some Tinder guys write nothing at all on their profile. Many of them actually. I admit that if I like the look of a guy I will still flick through the rest of his photos but I’m trying to be stricter with myself and left swipe them straight away if there are no words. I’m really into good communication. If a man expects to sell himself on his pictures alone then of course there’s not going to be much of a meeting of minds between us. I do still get suckered in sometimes though.
Amidst this recent foray I returned to an old friend with benefits. He lives very conveniently close. Every 6 months or so I forget how things finished up the last time and we fall into bed again.
He’s kind of good at sex. He’s got a nice strong masculine approach, he’s confident and decisive. He’s got a lot of energy, he’s directive and he can hold off from orgasm for a long time.
Sexual athleticism, shall we say.
The touch of his hands feels really good and he’s a great kisser.
when it comes to any kind of emotional connection he’s totally out of his depth. In terms of his pace, he really only uses his tops gears. Whenever I try to contrast things by slowing down a bit to find some tenderness in the connection he’s completely lost. I’ve known him for years and he’s such a sweet guy but his heart is locked up so tight. No wonder it’s so hard for me to orgasm with him.
So anyway, my adventure continues on Tinder. I’m not willing to let it defeat me yet. It certainly offers lots of opportunities to learn, irrespective of the end result. Every guy I’ve had some kind of contact with (from texts to kissing), has been a mirror to show me something about myself and how I bring myself to the world. Every time I attract something I don’t like it highlights something I need to have more awareness of in myself.
Anyway, fingers crossed that I’m soon writing you another blog about having to juggle three men because they’re all so amazing in different ways that I can’t settle on one.