How to fight your way into a woman’s heart.

06 Oct 2013, Posted by Aria Austin in Aria's Blog

IMG_1750 smllerI love boxing. Full contact, up close, rough and tumble.

I’m not such a fan of training on my own with the heavy bag or skipping rope or shadow boxing. What I get a real thrill from is pairing up with someone to do pad work or sparring. I’m looking to connect with the invigorated spirit in another person in a lively exchange.

Perhaps this sounds a bit rough and out of keeping with what you’d imagine from a love and relationship coach. As a tantric/sexual healer I have certainly cultivated a delicate sensitivity in myself and I love to drop into the depths of tender exploration with another but I am also a thrill seeking, adrenalin junkie from way back. (Healthy contrast, I like to think). A shared experience of liveliness and power holds much allure for me. I find the demonstration of a brazen spirit deeply stimulating.

Not everyone brings as much of that as I’d like. Men or women.

Not many people risk bringing themselves fully forward to really give or receive that. Neither in boxing or in life. But that’s what I’m all about. I’m totally up for digging in and finding courage to bring forth that kind of gutsy self expression. And supporting others in the same. It gives me a big thrill. So when I box I often end up spending a bit of time teaching people how to use the pads to catch my punches properly. Without any instruction most people just hold the pads up still and passive like a dead target. But the way I’m received determines to a very large degree what I can deliver. I really can’t hit with any force if there’s no power in the receiving capacity of the pad holder. It soon becomes very dissatisfying and I have to pull back and deliver to the level that I am responded to. And of course it marries up that way in life as well. We don’t tend to continue for very long with passionate expression in the face of someone who is neutral and non-responsive. We’ll tend to move along to where there is a better resonance.
And so I invest time in teaching people how to be dynamic in the way they bring more of themselves to respond to what’s coming their way. I teach them how to play with me. And again, that’s what I do with clients. I encourage them to bring more of themselves forward so that there’s much more for life and people around them to respond to. As we turn up the brightness inside ourselves the world becomes so much more shiny and alive with possibility outside.

I really like boxing with men because I’m quite strong for a woman and men have a better chance of delivering the power that I’m hungry for in an exchange. But many men see that I’m a woman and hold themselves back. Or perhaps more likely it’s just part of their stance in life in general. But either way, what I really want is for them to feel into the situation, feel into what’s available to them and to meet that accordingly. Even better of course than simply meeting is to lead. But anyway, at least to meet with equal energy and enthusiasm is a very good start. It floats my boat. It makes me smile a big smile that stirs me to the core.

My favourite boxing partner ever was a guy called James. He was about 25. There was a bit of crazy in his eyes sometimes. He didn’t hold back. I’m almost certain that he and I would sweat more between us than everyone else in the session put together. I loved how lively and spirited, gutsy and vocal our interactions were. We really wound each other up, reaching into our depths to show each other everything we had. We’d be absolutely shattered at the end. It was so satisfying for me. That’s what I want more of in life – to feel that I’m met by an energy as big as my own, responded to passionately and without restraint, to feel the exhilaration of dancing with another in all of our glorious, wild fullness. It fills me with joy.

At the same gym where James and I bounced off each other there was a lovely instructor called Gary. He was gentle and softly spoken during class but an astonishing master of destruction when he fought in the ring. A real force to be reckoned with. Anyway, somehow I ended up holding a bag for him to hit in training one day and it still stands out for me as one of the most sexy interactions ever (not that I let on to him at the time). To feel the impact of his power was incredible. It was so exhilarating. I feel self-conscious now as I write it because it sounds a bit unhealthy to be turned on by such a violent expression. But I didn’t feel any violence in it. I just felt the raw and potent power of a man in full flight. And that was what was so sexy to me. To be in such close contact with that potent force was breathtaking. I felt so alive with it.

Perhaps the passion I’m expressing here is more enthusiastic than many women might feel in the same situation but I feel confident that there is a deep craving in most of us to witness and feel more of the true depth of power in men. I’m sure I’m not alone in my hunger for it. Of course there are many, many different beautiful, tender, honest, vulnerable and revealing ways to express power, but I’m a very tactile, physical person so these physical demonstrations of men’s power evoke a particularly strong response in me. This physical display is certainly a potent element in what can be part of a many and varied expression of a complex whole. I seek it out wherever I can and I love to find others who respond to being drawn out.