Libido that Satisfies

08 Jan 2015, Posted by Kate Henderson in Katie's Blog


Insatiable appetite for sex?


Your libido should propel you towards satisfaction not frustration.

If your sexual desire exceeds your sexual opportunity you might need to look more closely at what’s really driving you. The common assumption will be that you’re not getting enough sex. What is often the case though is that you’re simply not in touch with your emotions. This creates a backlog of energy that can get confused as sexual desire.

Are you stressed?

Do you crave sex as your drug of choice?

There is a strong correlation between libido and emotional suppression in men. To the degree that a man is unable to deal with his emotions he will be driven to distract, deny or medicate himself. The methods are many: alcohol, drugs, anti-depressants, exercise, gambling, eating, smoking, working.

And sex.

A high sex drive is a valuable asset, reflective of powerful life-force energy. But when used to escape feelings, or channelled into addictive exploits or empty connections, it can become disempowering. Commonly men today are more comfortable with sexual expression than emotional expression. In the absence of emotional awareness, sex becomes a primary avenue for discharging stress.

Grey Zone

Sex can be awesome when it’s approached in the right way. At the other end of the spectrum it can also be darkly destructive when approached in the wrong way (rape, sexual abuse etc). But there’s also a broad grey area in the middle where sex can still be reasonably good but also devoid of a lot of it’s very best potential. Sex for stress relief falls into this middle zone of diminished potential. Many a libido is stoked in this zone via emotional suppression.

Pleasure potentials get dampened down in other ways too. A beer drunk to drown sorrows will affect the body differently than one embraced in joyous celebration. Ice-cream and chocolate eaten to combat loneliness or boredom will be digested differently than sweets that mark a happy occasion.

When we use sex to distract us from what we don’t want to feel, the experience will be different than when we approach it from a place of balanced emotions. Sexual energy has incredible potency. It’s a creative force that can be used to enhance our manifesting powers. Applying it to provide relief for stifled feelings is really a misuse of energy. It’s like running a premium car on inferior fuel – you’re never going to experience the real thrill of high performance.

Are you using sex to escape or celebrate?

Using sexual energy to stave off gnawing upsets may very well get you through the day or the week but it doesn’t do justice to your potential to harness the real potency of sexual possibility. Masturbation or sex might buy you time from your feelings of discomfort but it will keep you in the grey zone. You’re very unlikely to traverse the highs of sexual ecstasy available if the primary intention is to dull down the feeling of unwanted emotions.

When we close ourselves to feeling ‘bad’ feelings (grief, anger, jealousy, hurt, loneliness, upset, etc), we shut ourselves just as tightly against ‘good’ feelings (love, joy, excitement, motivation, bravery, pride, bliss, peace, contentment etc). We can either turn up the volume on our emotional experience in order to feel more of everything or we can turn it down to fade the lot. There are no advanced settings that allow for selective programming.

Where there’s a tendency to escape from uncomfortable feelings there will also be a ceiling placed (unconsciously) on really pleasurable feelings/emotions/sensations/experiences. By default this ensures that the parameters for sexual exploration are constrained.

Brave the shadows

If on the other hand, there’s preparedness to face those feelings head on (sit still and allow the discomfort to have full attention) and breathe deeply through the body, then it’s possible to emerge in a very different place beyond. As the feelings are dissolved via stillness, attention and breathing, a place of greater freedom and spaciousness arises within. A settled calm. This is the place from which to embark on a sexual expedition. From this clean, unencumbered place there is oh so much more potential to really climb and reach into the orgasmic heavens of elation, deep peace, passion, bliss and satiety.

The depth of a tree’s roots will often determine how high it can grow. Equally, the depth of uncomfortable feelings or shadow aspects one is prepared to face will determine the heights of peak experiences. The more you allow grief to stir you to tears for example, the more you open the other end of your emotional spectrum of greater joy. Drop into the mud in order to fly.

To tap into the top end of sex it’s important to make an honest appraisal of when you feel the push from your libido and what your starting point is. Optimally sexual energy is birthed out of love, passion, desire, fullness, connection, inspiration, affection, exploration and curiosity.

Become aware

So the trick is to become much more conscious of what’s really driving you. The best way to deal with feelings is by feeling them, not escaping them. In the beginning the feelings might not be obvious. You might need to search a bit. Have a think about what’s going on in your life to assess the landscape. What’s happening at work for instance? Are you under a lot of pressure to produce results? Are you bored or unrecognised or stifled perhaps? When you put your finger on something stressful then sit with the truth of how that makes you feel. Are you frustrated that your potential has gone unrealised for so long? Are you sad or angry that you don’t get acknowledged for your achievements? Are you afraid of getting found out about something you’ve hidden?

Sex might make any of these issues feel better momentarily but it’s only by turning your full attention to the reality of the emotions that you’ll be able to get true relief. Let your emotions have the focus they need in order to be felt and then let them guide your path forward. Do you actually need to look at leaving your current job and setting up your own business in order to attain real satisfaction? Should you have a heart to heart with your dad to understand his position on your achievements? Would it provide great relief if you spoke up about something you’ve kept secret?

In summary

It’s wise to differentiate between sex because you feel good and sex because you don’t want to feel bad. Strive for deeper awareness around your sexual motivations. Sexual energy is an expression of your life force. Where do you want to direct it? Aim for sexual experiences of quality not quantity. Discernment with why, how and who you engage your energy with will bring more clarity to your purpose and direction. Channel it with conscious intent and you can direct your life with real power.