Orgasmic Hugs14 Jan 2014, Posted by Kate's Blog in
In greetings, lots of times I find most people either go for one or the other. But I’m always keen to make it a one/two, kiss/hug combo if there’s an opening for it. Feels much heartier to me. Touch is my language. I like to be lavish with it. It’s such a joy to reach out and be met by the same in other enthusiasts. Occasionally though, when I’m in a particularly good mood I mightn’t read the receptivity in the other person quite right. They’ll turn their face ever so slightly more away from me so that a kiss intended for their cheek ends up landing closer to their ear. Deflected. Too much too soon and probably not their language of love and connection.
My most favourite interaction is when someone meets me with a smiley, welcoming kiss, smack on the lips, then followed up by a full body hug where their midline is completely aligned with mine and our bodies are pressed together all the way down from shoulders through to the knees. I love the gorgeous willing presence in a hug that continues all the way down through the thighs. There’s so much to take in in that exchange. It fills me up. Bring a powerfully energised solar plexus into the equation as well and I’m completely yours. Do with me what you will.
But even cheek kisses can be done in a really captivating way that can be just as good as full on the lips. I learned how I liked them from a womanising neighbour when I was about 22. He would press his lips into my cheek as if he was trying to leave an impression in my cheek as if it were made of Playdoh, and then kiss from that place of full contact. I loved it. Not like the kisses that my brother has delivered that kind of start before they reach me and then glance off my cheek having barely made contact. It leaves me feeling so lacking. (We’re working on that relationship).
There’s an important conclusion to the kiss/hug greeting that really ties it up nicely -gotta have eye contact! So I guess it’s actually a one/two/three combo. Sometimes people are totally up for the one/two, but then they’ll pull back from the hug with their head turned way, eyes cast off to the side. It just doesn’t feel properly complete without stepping back via the intimacy of smiling eyes.
When I used to attend a lot of naturopathic seminars there was a wonderful woman Tina White, who used to deliver some of the training. She gave such great, hearty hugs. And they were that much more impressive because she gave them out in professional settings. I went to Sydney with some colleagues for training in live blood analysis and there was Tina arms stretched wide in the hotel foyer ready to embrace us with a big bear hugs. Gosh I loved her for that. She didn’t really know me very well (and I wasn’t nearly as bold with my hugs back then) but she just dished them out with gorgeous authenticity – so genuinely warm and forthcoming. Left me all aglow.
Last year a friend told me that I hugged like a mattress. Made me feel very pleased with myself.
If the mood captures me I’m also a fan of taking someone’s face in both hands before planting a kiss. I like to think it’s a bit domineering in the loveliest kind of way. I just feel it conveys more of my determination to love them as fully as I can. Focus. A bit like picking up a plate to lick it perhaps. This is not a set up for a sexy pash, it’s just a regular ‘hey how are you going, it’s great to see you’ sort of kiss when I know I’ve captured someone who’s got some spirit about them and doesn’t mind being manhandled a bit.
Despite my exuberance with physical contact, every now and then I’ll get beaten at my own game. I like that. I like finding people who catch me by surprise and stretch me to grow and open further. One of my sister’s dearest friends has done that on more than one occasion. She’s delightfully open and has a beautiful ease with her body and her sexuality. Anyway, she has one upped me by delivering the greeting kiss with her lips slightly parted. Not in a way that has any sexual agenda about it, just in such an endearing, ‘I’m not keeping anything of myself from you’ kind of way. When it’s happened I’ve felt so exposed for having my lips closed against hers and I’ve wanted to go back for a second go to show her that I can raise myself to her level of open generosity.
Probably my most memorable kiss ever, strange but true, was actually with a client. It made me cry. The good kind of cry that comes from something yielding and opening to beautiful new places inside. He was a cheeky thing. We greeted each other at the beginning of his second session with an electric hug that felt like we would both collapse if we didn’t stay clinging to each other. I’ve never felt so much charged energy coursing between two bellies. It took ages for the raging nervous storm to dissipate. And then the kissing started. Two sets of lips very much parted in this kiss. Eventually I ushered him inside off the front porch. The kissing sort of took over completely in that session and I was intoxicated with it. I felt something activated deep in my throat somehow. Energised. Awakened. And then the tears came. Gosh I loved it so much. Oh the delightful and surprising twists and turns that sessions can take. I like it when the energy moves towards more of that kind of intimacy.
I would say that a good hug certainly paves the way for good kissing. There’s usually a fair bit of hugging in my client sessions. It’s gorgeously healing in its own right of course but it also allows me to read into a people’s energy much more deeply. Everything we’ve spoken about will come to make much more sense once I’ve felt into someone’s body through an embrace. Following are some of the things I’ve come to be able to feel in the way someone connects with me.
1. Energy held primarily in the upper body – an indicator of not being completely present or grounded solidly in life. These people make me think of Mr Squiggle. It’s like they’re floating. Because they don’t really inhabit their legs and ground themselves it can be tricky for them to connect deeply with others in the ways they long to. There is often a feeling of being stuck and disempowered, of having goals and yet not being able to enjoy and celebrate them when they are achieved.
2. Stooping/leaning onto me – not believing in self and tending to rely too much upon others. When a man does this it makes women feel like retreating as fast as possible. If a man can’t rely upon himself to stand tall and look after himself it’s going to be pretty tricky for others to feel confident to trust in him.
3. Unsteady/tipping off balance – similar to above, not believing in one’s personal power/purpose/direction and subsequently, their capacity to lead/support/guide or inspire others will be shaky.
4. Squeezing/clutching me to them – not tapping personal strength and power and feeling needy of others in order to feel something. There will also be numbness to more refined sensations. The less attuned we are to the energy of physical sensations, the more we will tend to push for stronger physical contact in order to feel something. BDSM play can often be driven from this place. Opening the body to feel more and more subtlety brings delightful sensations from the lightest of touch. Taken to the full end of the spectrum there can be incredible responses elicited at a distance with no physical contact at all.
5. Patting or slapping on the back while hugging – although it’s a conscious demonstration of care and affection it simultaneously prevents the deeper intimacy that’s accessed via stillness. There can be a fear of really dropping in to feel more of the other person and more of our connection. Wariness of empathising with (or even witnessing) the feelings of another can often be a measure of hesitation to feel those same feelings in ourselves.
6. Standing rigid and unmoving – this can translate as being fearful of letting go, being overly serious and responsible and feeling pressure to do the right thing. Frozen in life. Can be heavily influenced and restricted by the opinion of others. Scared stiff of doing the wrong thing and being rejected or punished as a result.
7. Talking loudly while in an embrace – a distraction to remain outside of the tenderness and intimacy available in the connection at hand. Attempting to drown out soft feelings that might be stirred in the heart.
8. Too sexual/sensual too soon – not connected with own sexual energy therefore seeking to reach for it in another. Restricted access to own sexual energy source/flow. Men obsessed with pleasing women without tuning into themselves and their own arousal first.
9. Whole body is limp and withheld – I haven’t encountered this in clients who come for sessions but I’ve come across it in life away from work. These people aren’t ready to be responded to in a loving way. They tend not to believe that they deserve to be loved.
10. Groping/leering – doesn’t happen very often with clients but it has. Often tied in with anger, desperation and a deep sense of not believing that we deserve what we really want which motivates a stealing approach to sexual interaction.
11. Connection at the heart/chest but completely disengaged at the genital centre – difficulty bringing passionate, sexy, lustful expression into the intimacy of loving relationships. I can feel the disconnected energy of it during the full contact of a hug but it’s also easily discernible in those who lean forward in a kind of bow to be sure that they only make contact with their chest/shoulders when they hug.
12. Activated genital centre devoid of heart connection – opposite of the above. These men will be comfortable to approach and interact with overt sexuality but flounder with intimate expressions of loving tenderness. They will tend to have thrilling sexual encounters with women in one night stands, affairs or during paid sex for example, but fail to experience the same level of arousal and erotic adventurousness with the woman they love. Healing comes through bridging the energy between heart and genitals so that love and lust can be accessed simultaneously.
13. A tentative feeling of being on-hold somehow, waiting for something – can indicate a deep hesitation around having permission to bring the full force of masculine power to play. There is usually a deep fear that engaging the power of masculine energy will result in losing control and becoming violently destructive, based on past actions. There will tend to be issues with anger – both repressed and expressed. Sex that happens from this withheld place can never reach real depths of satisfaction because it’s lacking in the rich power of unbridled, penetrating drive.
In a session I will give each man feedback about the quality of energy he brings to embrace me with. As we remain in the hug and I speak to whatever it is that I feel, the new awareness allows a shift towards a stance that is much more empowered and connected. Life then unfolds differently from this core transformation that we establish in the session. We build on it in stages from one session to the next. The end potential being that through tapping into rich grounded personal power, a man can elicit magnificent responsiveness in me/other women or his partner. Essentially then he doesn’t really need to do much to attract women, it all comes down to the way he holds himself. He becomes a magnetic puppeteer of sorts, with women willingly volunteering themselves in surrender.
To differing degrees we are all sensitive to the energy another brings to a connection. It doesn’t even have to be in such close contact as a kiss or a hug. Certainly a handshake speaks volumes in the same way. They come with just as much diversity. Handshakes can be crushingly strong with an overbearing determination, limp and lacking presence, overturned (anticlockwise) in dominance or (clockwise) in submission, affectionately double handed with the left hand reaching for additional contact with the forearm, hesitant and non-committal to restrict contact only to the fingers, empowered with engaging eye contact or lingering with deeper interest, for example.
Whether conscious of these cues or not, we all respond to them at some level. Undoubtedly people who are grounded and present to strong energy in themselves have a much more solid platform to build solid relationships with others. Anchoring these simple yet powerful changes goes a long way towards changing the way people feel about themselves and the way others respond to them. I guess I see it as reprogramming the body so that we can hold more happiness. And hand in hand with that we can become more orgasmic.
Oh the delight of stumbling across the men who can hug me to orgasm!