Power vs Force in Sex

20 Aug 2015, Posted by Kate Henderson in Katie's Blog
A rich and rewarding sex life is built on solid foundations of heart and power.
A solid heart foundation grows out of loving who we are, being engaged in work/activities that feed our soul, freely expressing our joys and sorrows, braving the intimacy of deep sharing, opening in the face of vulnerability, feeling deserving of good things (and allowing ourselves to receive them), being open to celebrating our wins and having our happiness show on the surface for others to see.
A robust heart will readily expand to feel the intoxicating fullness of joy, pleasure and love.
A solid foundation of power is built of confidence, grounded stability, direction and discipline, belief in our personal gifts and skills (and willingness to take action them), standing up to be seen and courage to express ourselves authentically. (And certainly, a healthy dose of wildness can never go astray for a turbo charge). Essentially power is a measure of the impact we can have on someone or something. It’s about being a contender when it matters, gathering together the best of who we are, mobilising our drive and determination and forging new ground. Penetration.
Ultimate power comes from having the guts to penetrate with one’s whole being.
Power vs Force
To better understand power, it’s useful to contrast it with force. The difference between the two relates in part to the direction of energy flow. The energetic flow of force is to go against the target to direct through domination. Force engages with resistance to effect it’s result. It can be pushy and bossy and demanding. In contrast, an expression of power will call energy forth from outside. It’s inherently attractive in nature. It’s potency is in magnetism. The directive of power is to captivate, motivate and compel. Power wielded with wisdom and integrity will inspire and mobilise the latent energy within it’s field of reach.What’s at the heart of force and at the heart of power is also very different. There is an inherent weakness at the core of someone who utilises force. The effort extended externally to get the desired result is a compensation for an inner feeling of deficiency. This deficiency can be born of self doubt, unworthiness, insecurity, rejection or self-loathing. In contrast, power is the natural emanation of someone who has a deep sense of surety. Power is much more readily demonstrated by those who feel strong, proud, passionate, grounded and certain. Power is projected from a place of fullness.
Force at play in Sex
A man ungrounded in his power, will be attempting by default to arouse a woman via force. He will be seeking to stimulate her by doing things to her to push her in a certain direction. Overt force will obviously show up in control and domination, but there are a multitude of subtle ways that force can be displayed. It can happen in the most seemingly loving ways. It’s evident simply wherever connection is sought via exerting influence rather than attracting interest.
Convincing a woman to have sex for example, rather than captivating her.
Initiating contact by grasping, rather than exuding a fullness that she extends and reaches for.
Working for her orgasm rather than evoking it.
Orchestrating the action according to what you want to have unfold rather than being orchestrated by what is unfolding.
Leading with fantasies of the mind as opposed to being led by emotion and sensation alive in the body.Very broadly you could say it happens when we fall into doing rather than being.

Are you over extending yourself in order to make something happen or does your fullness attract what you desire with minimal effort?

Reclaiming Heart and Power
If a man isn’t proud of his job, if he’s struggling financially, if he can’t stand up for what he believes in or if he simply never stops to appreciate his achievements, then he will have diminished centres of heart and power. Those experiences eat away at self-belief and dilute the full force of energetic presence that is crucial for powerful sexual connection. His sexual actions are destabilised and lack potency because of the compromised expression in his life beyond the bedroom. He doesn’t trust himself or feel confident to be freely authentic in bed because he’s unpracticed at it in life. He will try to say the right thing and do the right thing rather than acting purely on what is true for him.  He will tend to be ‘technique’ focussed. As generous as his intention may be, there will still be a measure of force. A sexual connection entered into with someone who harbours dissatisfaction with themselves or their life will ultimately be limited. Even on a good day.

Real sexual mastery comes via power, where a man’s self-confidence, stability and vitality are deeply embodied so that his energy has a magnetic quality. This energy emanates from him in a way that can be felt when he enters a room. He is energetically attractive in that he draws things to him. He captivates the attention of men and women alike. Power feeds presence. In a sexual connection his magnetic power naturally reaches out to elicit arousal in his partner before he even touches her, let alone gets her clothes off.

It’s important not to assume that physique determines power. A man of great physical stature can be very diminished in his power and a small man can be Goliath-like in his energy. A powerful man summons a woman’s feminine expression via his energetic constitution rather than his physical build or physical touch alone.

Energetically our power centre resides in the solar plexus. To cultivate more power and strengthen the associated potential for magnetism it’s important to feel really good about who we are.
Posture can make an immediate difference – stand tall and present yourself square on to the world.
Exercise certainly helps to bolster confidence through fitness and strength.
Choosing to face fears, speak our mind and take action on what’s important to us all boost feelings of being the boss in our life which consolidates personal power.
Work that aligns with a feeling of meaning and purpose is crucial.

The energy of our heart naturally resides in the chest. Thrust it forward to grant it more authority and better enable it to lead your movement through life.
Dare to be the one who loves the most.
Be bold with compliments, appreciation, laughter and affection.
Practice bravery with meaningful eye contact passing strangers on the street, holding the gaze of someone who attracts you and allowing yourself to be seen deeply into during love making.
Allow your heart to have more transparency by sharing your hopes and dreams more readily.
Cry – in grief and upset, from relief, from happiness and laughter, and from being deeply moved. Never apologise for the beautiful honesty of tears – they are our absolute truth.
Let emotions find their way into more conversations. Inroads to the heart are made via emotional fluency.

Be more gutsy with your expression of heart and power and tap untold heights of sexual glory.
Be strong and loving.
Be brave and true.
Be you.