Sex In Tents27 Jan 2015, Posted by Kate's Blog in
I stumbled across a new lover on boxing day.
I was volunteering at a festival doing massage for a week and soon found myself shacked up with one of the other massage therapists in his tent.
Oh the random surprise of having a lover fall in your lap. So delightful!
The earthiness that’s intrinsic to camping really enhanced our sexual exploration. There’s something about the organic experience of being closer to nature that encourages a more natural expression in the body. The escape from straight lines, flat surfaces and white walls is subtly disruptive of civilised programming. There’s space for more primitive inclinations. Tending to basic physical needs of food and shelter demands more time than usual and so the body naturally draws more focus. Will I stay dry tonight? Do I have enough food? Can I feel my way in the dark? The city can make us very mentally focussed. It’s good to be drawn back to body basics. Tipping the balance back to the body and away from the mind is always good for better sex.
There were days that were super, super hot so clothing was largely abandoned in our 2 room tent. Nakedness is a wonderful way to further cast off constraints of ‘proper’ civilised behaviour. We can use clothing to protect, conceal or enhance and it can help to keep us from revealing the raw truth of ourselves. Strip it away and there’s instantly more vulnerability and potential for intimacy (not to be confused with sex – when I say intimacy I mean personal revealing).
There were other days when it poured with rain and we were confined to the tent for hours and hours. The weather ushered us closer again. Our combined bedding only amounted to a single mattress so there was additional forced proximity during sleep. I enjoyed being pressed more into the intimacy of continual connection than ‘normal’ (house/city) circumstances would offer. Even without sex I enjoy the intimacy of being confined in close quarters with friends. It soothes my longing for touch and the comfort of it opens my heart.
Camping offers opportunities for modesty to be challenged.
The amenities block was quite a walk away from our camp spot. Busting to go to the loo one morning I was encouraged to wee in a jar in the tent instead of making the trek. I really liked that the suggestion was made in such a relaxed fashion. Last year I was having a shower with a guy I’d just slept with and I asked him if he minded if I had a wee in the shower. He got a bit funny about it which made me freeze up and then I couldn’t go. It felt wonderfully liberating to be met this time by the contrast of such easy going openness. I complied. In my nakedness and in his company. I was proud of my little win in pushing my boundaries of proper appearance after only a day or two of knowing this guy.
So lovely to have someone alongside who encourages freedom of expression as a matter of course.
Needing a shower one morning and again not wanting to venture all the way to the officially allocated showering place, instead I just stood naked outside our tent and washed in a bucket of fresh rain water. Once more I felt a little win for pushing my comfort zone because no one else was doing that. I hadn’t seen anyone else with their gear off at all. This festival wasn’t Confest where everyone gets about naked.
Sometimes if I’m trying to work out what would be my most authentic expression I ask myself if I were the only person in the world right now, how would I act? That will always highlight my most uninhibited course of action. Following through usually makes my heart beat a bit faster but it feels awesome to be true to myself instead of society.
Camp life also provided insight (or in-sound) into the sex lives of others.
(I love hearing people have sex – it reveals so much). The woman in the tent right next door brought a guy home on new years eve. I didn’t hear her at all (which is very telling in itself), but I heard him. There was so much tension. So much tightness and holding on as he approached orgasm. I thought about calling out to him to encourage him to breathe. I often do with my own lovers. Most of us can do with a reminder now and then to breathe and relax ourselves open during sex. At first it can seem counterintuitive to relax and let go as the intensity picks up, but oh the gains! Bigger, deeper breathes make more space in the body and when there’s more space there are more gaps for pleasure to expand into. Clutching at things tends to make them more elusive. Trusting and letting go can often bring a much better result.
The most intimate highlight of the whole week for me wasn’t about sex at all.
This guy I was with had a pretty good camp set up but we didn’t have a tarp over the top of the tent to provide really good shade. So sex in the morning was hot! I mean sweaty. Anyway, I was lying down and he was kneeling between my legs and picked up a piece of paper and started fanning me. Simple as that. Just sitting there fanning the air all over my body. I burst into tears. (The good kind of tears that come from my heart being touched). He kept going and I kept crying on and off. It was such a profound shift in the energy between us. From his experiences in life he had an expectation that he would be denied things and so is energy was somewhat forceful and demanding. This doesn’t really bode well for inviting the natural flow of unconditional generosity from the feminine (or life). But he stumbled right into the heart of something divine with his fanning. Immediately I felt the freedom to relinquish the energy of guardedness and protection (that I hadn’t even been particularly conscious of). There was such deep relief in returning to a much more familiar place of ease in my body. He was so taken by the effect he was having on me that he kept going and going. And the longer he kept going the more appreciative I was of his extended generosity and lack of expectation, the more and more I let go and surrendered. There was such beauty in the tender innocence and simplicity of it.
He was compelled to take photos of my tearful face because he was so struck by the depth of transformation evident in my expression. Rewind a couple of days and in the middle of sex he’d been trying to press my face into a smile because he didn’t think I looked like I was enjoying myself. On reflection, I hadn’t been really. I’d been going along with things but because of the undercurrent of forcefulness in his energy it meant that no matter how hard I tried to let go at a conscious level, my body could only respond to the energetic reality. To the degree that he was being pushy, my body had the counter response of contracting and resisting. As soon as he stopped forcing things he uncovered something so easily and naturally joyous.
Real and lasting change always comes from shifting things at that inner energetic place of feelings and belief, rather than from trying to press things to look or behave differently from the outside. The outer manifestation is always a reflection of thoughts and feelings of past and present. The conscious mind can only moves us so far before the energy in the body will protest if there is misalignment. Manifestation of desires requires energetic congruence.
Ultimately our little affair dissolved as quickly as it had sprung to life because there were too many energetic discrepancies that kept showing up between us. The gap might be bridged for a time but the changes wouldn’t hold. Some people will grab an opportunity to change with both hands and run with it. Others fear what they don’t know (even though they crave it) and run the other way to return to their former selves. No amount of coaxing will do much good. The desire for something new and different must rise up with certainty from within if it’s really going to stick. And the timing is such a personal thing. We all have our own pace. Transformation can certainly be facilitated but only as far and as quickly as someone is willing to be brave in entering new territory.
What’s the moral of this story?
1. There’s fun to be had with strangers at festivals.
2. Be naked whenever you can (both physically and emotionally).
3. Pushing someone for what you want can push them away. Try relaxing and trusting from a neutral place of having no expectations and surprising things may come forth.
4. Invite bigger orgasms with expansive breathing.
5. Your energy must be congruent with your desire in order to receive. If what you want in life or love or sex isn’t what’s showing up, that’s evidence of misalignment. Your energy is in opposition to your desire. Beliefs and emotions need attention. Come and see me, that’s where I work my magic.
6. Be alert to the edges of your comfort zone. There lies a playground ripe with thrills for those willing to venture out of bounds.